The men of VH1’s ‘Single Ladies,’ may be eye candy, but there is a lot of substance behind those good looks. I had an opportunity to sit down with D. B. woodside, Travis Winfrey and Terell Tilford for a rare and eye opening interview about becoming a man, the importance of fatherhood and realizing when a man is ready for a relationship. D.B. Woodside opened up about being a father to a 4 year old little girl, whose taught him to be secure in his sensitivity and to be more understanding of the issues black girls face everyday. Travis Winfrey revealed that he did not become a man until he was in his 30’s! And both D.B. and Terell Tilford agreed. The men shared the moments that they realized they know nothing about life. Travis and D.B. pointed out that a man is not ready for a relationship until he finds himself. And that is why so many relationships don’t work when you’re dating a man in his twenties. He hasn’t figured out who he is yet! They also warn women to stop settling for boys that don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. D.B. wants women to know, if you continue to support mens stupidity, it is no fault but your own.
How has having a daughter affected the way you treat women?
“Um, that has changed quite a bit! I’m not even going to lie. Because now, I see the way as she grows and she’s looking at the world and what some of her challenges are gonna be, and you know, it’s changed the way that I see women. And it’s also opened me up to what some struggles are that women face, especially little black girls in our society. And the whole thing with hair and makeup and skin color. As men, I think it’s something we would always hear women talk about. And we would as men, listen. But, it’s not something…We face racism as black men in a different way. Being pulled over because you’re black, being arrested (I didn’t just say that), but just that kinda stuff. But, now being a father to a little girl, it’s opened my eyes up in a very very different way. So, I think that’s been great.”
Talk About the transition from being a boy to becoming a man:
“When you realize you’re not a man, that’s the first step to becoming a man. It’s kind of a trick. When you start to realize everything that your father or your mother said to you that was annoying at that time, but it starts to make sense. Or all of a sudden you have a friend that has a daughter, you have a friend that has a wife, I never had that before. I’ve never been around men that are like that. Other than family members. So, you start to expand your circle and you start to realize, you don’t know anything. The more you realize, as soon as you realize you don’t know anything that is when you become a man. Because you can see the change on everybody’s face.”
“Thirty something overcame my whole body. There was a complete shift where, the first phase of it was, what other people thought of me, wasn’t as important as what I thought of myself. First and foremost. And I mean literally, right at that moment.”
“You realize you haven’t done anything yet. And then you’re like I have to actually go do some stuff instead of paying attention to what everybody else was. It’s almost a sadness that washes over you and then you’re excited and happy that you came to that revelation. Like ‘Oh my God I’m so empty,’ and I’m so glad that I came to that point of knowing that sadness. Now, I can move on and act like a man.”
“Steve Harvey put that in his book in the best way. Women are dating incomplete men. We don’t know what we’re going to do for the rest of our lives to make money to support that. And that’s the structure that we’re brought up in, is that the man supports the family. I mean old school , new school whatever, the majority of the responsibility falls on the man. And if you don’t know how you’re going to do that. How dare you date somebody else. You’re not even fully dressed, trying to go to church!”
“There’s something about, I would say 32, 33 years old for me was when, I finally started to get things, like what Travis said. The second you acknowledge and embrace the fact that you don’t know anything is when you’re open to learn. You have a lot of guys walking around in their 20’s thinking they are God’s gift to women and unfortunately, these women continue to support that and make these men feel like they are God’s gift to women instead of embracing themselves. And not settling for some guy that is not treating you right. Men return phone calls. Men return text messages. Men come and pick you up. I mean it’s like, when I hear some of the things so many women put up with in their twenties, I don’t necessarily blame the men, I find the fault with them. You know, my question to them is, ‘Why are you putting up with that behavior?’ If you just wait a little while, those guys will get it. So, treat yourself better.”
Single Ladies Airs Every Monday Night at 10pm on VH1!
Watch the Interview Below: